( a half-hearted cop-out. she should bring her guilt and reservations to the surface in a proper discussion with lexa, clarke knows this. and yet every time she looks at the other woman, the words get stuck in her throat; pushed to the darkest recesses of her mind in favor of just appreciating her existence and allowing her heart beat an uneven rhythm in her chest. because, yes, this was a second chance. but clarke was continually waiting for the other shoe to drop, for this peaceful coexistence between the two of them to crumble in the same spectacular nature it had back home. maybe she didn't want to hear lexa's answer to that question, for fear of it contradicting or complimenting her own.
the problem with loving someone, losing them, and finding them again was — you knew what losing them felt like. that isn't a feeling one could so easily shake.
and yet, clarke tries. clears her throat, sniffs; like those two composing sounds would mask all the overflowing sorrow in her heart. there is the urge to be useful, to use her hands and her brain for anything other than dwelling on this sudden and unwelcome swell of feelings. )
[ Mat's the last person to call someone out for dodging their emotions. There's a pull of disappointment in their link, all the same; at her for avoiding the issue, at himself for not coming up with some miracle fix.
Clarke's question is followed by a heavy pause. He could pursue the subject, but he's not sure to what end. Upsetting Clarke, most likely. ]
(I'll be awake when I'm awake.)
[ Except the undercurrent says yes, a steadfast confirmation that he'll be there when she asks. If he can't offer any resolution to her real problems, he can at least be on time. ]
( stubborn for the sake of being stubborn. she can respect that.
and while the good-natured, friendly tone of their conversation had flickered and died sometime around the first mention of her homeworld, clarke has adequately buttoned up her weepy mood and retreats from his mind with the faint impression of a small smile and a nod.
(and an unspoken threat along the lines of i know where you sleep and i'm not opposed to rolling you out of bed — just for good measure.) )
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no subject
( a half-hearted cop-out. she should bring her guilt and reservations to the surface in a proper discussion with lexa, clarke knows this. and yet every time she looks at the other woman, the words get stuck in her throat; pushed to the darkest recesses of her mind in favor of just appreciating her existence and allowing her heart beat an uneven rhythm in her chest. because, yes, this was a second chance. but clarke was continually waiting for the other shoe to drop, for this peaceful coexistence between the two of them to crumble in the same spectacular nature it had back home. maybe she didn't want to hear lexa's answer to that question, for fear of it contradicting or complimenting her own.
the problem with loving someone, losing them, and finding them again was — you knew what losing them felt like. that isn't a feeling one could so easily shake.
and yet, clarke tries. clears her throat, sniffs; like those two composing sounds would mask all the overflowing sorrow in her heart. there is the urge to be useful, to use her hands and her brain for anything other than dwelling on this sudden and unwelcome swell of feelings. )
( Early tomorrow, got it? )
no subject
Clarke's question is followed by a heavy pause. He could pursue the subject, but he's not sure to what end. Upsetting Clarke, most likely. ]
( I'll be awake when I'm awake. )
[ Except the undercurrent says yes, a steadfast confirmation that he'll be there when she asks. If he can't offer any resolution to her real problems, he can at least be on time. ]
no subject
and while the good-natured, friendly tone of their conversation had flickered and died sometime around the first mention of her homeworld, clarke has adequately buttoned up her weepy mood and retreats from his mind with the faint impression of a small smile and a nod.
(and an unspoken threat along the lines of i know where you sleep and i'm not opposed to rolling you out of bed — just for good measure.) )