mental link.

[calhar]

duty resistance.	fate fear.
death knowledge.	luck surrender.

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

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day 009

[ryohji]

( You forced me to feel every part of that, against my will. You must know what that means, right? It means you owe me something. )

[ his idea of 'feeling better?', perhaps? and so early in the morning, too, when mat is least likely to be receptive to anything that isn't a warm bowl of chicken soup. ]

[calhar]

[ Healed or not, it's still early enough for Mat to be half-awake and nursing a headache. The response is slow, starts out foggy. It only gains traction when a sharp spike of offense sets in. ]

( I don't know what sort of crackbrained barter system you're accustomed to, but the only thing I owe anyone is a swift kick to the shins. )

[ Anyone being Seviilia, of course, though the association's a bit murky, anger tangled up with lingering dread. Reluctant point of interest, though: ]

( You felt all of it? )

[ryohji]

( That's good to hear. Vegetables don't get angry, or kick people in the shins. )

[ the offense pleases him, mat, insofar as it's evidence he's still got his wits about him and hadn't damaged his brain, or kaji's, by suffering proxy. ]

( And then some. Like that headache of yours, which is the second headache I've had to share with you. I like to think I'm at least owed an explanation. )

[calhar]

[ Aw, you do... care... It takes him a moment to get the reference to a prior headache, though as soon as he does there's a very obvious attempt at putting up walls. More than anything, all he accomplishes is feeling distinctly uncomfortable. ]

( One of our new friends used the— ) [ Except it's not The Power here, is it? ] ( Her power on me. Tried to bloody kill me. )

[ A short pause. ]

( And I didn't start it. )

[ IN CASE THERE WAS ANY DOUBT. ]

[ryohji]

( Are you certain about that? You didn't tell her to burn herself, did you? )

[ he kids, he kids.

well, halfway, anyway. ]

( New friend? Do you know her name? Did you see it coming? )

[calhar]

[ WELL...... ]

( I told her as much as she deserved. Where I'm from, backing someone into a corner isn't a polite way to make introductions. )

[ The chain of questions is met with a bristling of annoyance, though there's some embarrassment in it. ]

( I don't know her name, and she looked like any of us with all those flaming layers on. And if I'd seen it coming, I would've saved us both the headache. ) [ But he knows these questions aren't just about curiosity. It's information worth knowing, worth picking apart. He isn't exactly thrilled about sharing any of it, but even Mat knows when to call a spade a spade. ]

( She seemed half as bloody surprised as I was. )

[ryohji]

[ kaji's hum was that of someone reviewing a mental checklist. ]

( You don't say... well, it could've been an accident, or a sense of hostility that quickly spiraled out of control. You're a disagreeable man, but fairly harmless, I think. )

[ swiftly preempting mat's protests: ] ( Of course, that doesn't mean she doesn't owe you an apology. As a matter of fact, she owes me one, too. What's done onto you is done onto me. )

DAY :020

[wille]

[ This is becoming a trend; her hounding those in Kaji's orbit, as if their slightest wobble might affect his gravity and thus it would be her business. One doesn't step down from orchestrating a multi-tiered paramilitary organization without feeling the itch for some kind of replacement activity, now more than ever. Her mind is carefully folded away, junk stuffed into a drawer and locked. ]

( Where have you been hiding away? )

[calhar]

[ Her mind's quiet, at least. It's a welcome break from the relative noise of everyone's collective grief. His own quiet feels more hard-earned, strained, like bracing against a door that someone's trying to kick down. ]

( You say that as if hiding's a bloody option. )

[ They can all find each other, can't they? They're too close, whether they want to be or not. He doesn't sound thrilled, but his frustration's already dimmer than it'd been on arrival. ]

( I could ask the same of you. )

[wille]

[ Grief is something she has learned to drown out by sheer tenacity. An ostrich with her head in the ground. If she doesn't see it, it can't get her, or so the logic goes. ]

( I've been hard at work, you haven't noticed? )

[ Another time and she might find it reason enough to feel offended. ]

( I thought about it, if you'd know the things your people know. I guess not. )

[calhar]

( Making a point of not noticing things, actually. Nice to know I'm still capable. )

[ The sentiment's clear; he wouldn't have minded being unplugged for Lavellan's death. The phrasing your people chafes a bit, but he doesn't have the energy for corrections. The follow-up's impatient of its own accord, though, as if he's only asking because he doubts shutting her up is an option. ]

( Go on, then. What've I missed? )

[wille]

[ Shutting her up is most definitely not an option. ]

( Let me ask you first: do you think a parasite can become its host? Are we the parasite, or still the host? )

[calhar]

[ What the fuck. (Shout out 2 Kavinsky for the lingo). It strikes an odd chord, symbiote aside; parasite's a decent stand-in for possession, and he's already spent enough time wondering how much he's lost of himself to that. ]

( Burn me— I'd rather be neither, but if I've got to choose than I'm the bloody host. If you're here to tell me it's the other way round, I'm fine not hearing it. )

day 017

[skaikru]

( for continuity sake, almost immediately after murphy proposes an adventure, clarke comes knocking on the edges of mat's consciousness; a polite tap tap, then immediately: )

( You're not riding, right? Can you climb? )

wow who needs continuity

[calhar]

[ Not so sure the 'knocking' is worth much when she barges in right after, but— ]

( No, and yes. ) [ Usually because he's getting up to mischief, though he highly doubts that's the reason she's asking. ] ( What are you planning? )

mE. I DO.

[skaikru]

( surprise!!! it's mischief time. )

( We're going up the cliffs to see if we can help. Come with us. )

[calhar]

[ The way to Mat's heart tbh. After food, maybe. ]

( Who's we, and what cliffs? )

[ He knows, really. He's just hoping he might've missed some other, much smaller cliffs that would make for easier climbing. ]

[skaikru]

( John Murphy. ) ( the impression of familiarity is there: home, friend. sure, maybe not someone clarke's particularly gungho about teetering on the edges of tall precipices with given their history, but simultaneously someone who has earned her trust. it's an odd balance. )

( Me. And you. The cliffs around the maze, we'll be able to see better than from camp. )

[calhar]

[ It's hard to say anyone here is a complete stranger, all things considered; he recognizes the name, vaguely recalls a face. Then again, maybe that's all to blame on Clarke's connection.

There's a short pause while he mulls it over. For once, his first response isn't stubborn or indignant resistance. ]

( Scouting? Will it be of much help? )

[ War and fighting are things he likes to avoid. Scouting's something he actually enjoys, when he's got the luxury of ignoring the larger context. ]

DAY 030

[erbier]

( You. )

[ An unfamiliar voice, a curl of faintly floral scented smoke reaching out. ]

( Cathaway sends her regards. Bids you to make ready. )

[ A vision, indistinct and askance, of Cathaway seated in a garden, her sigh, her smile: "When you see him - tell Matrim to be ready, won't you?" ]

[calhar]

( You yourself. )

[ The knee-jerk response is all bark and no bite, underscored by confusion that slowly twists into curiosity — wary, suspicious. He doesn't know her voice, and the dim echo of Cathaway just makes her harder to pin down. ]

( I think you're missing half the message. Ready for what? )

[ His tone says dismissive. The link says otherwise, all reluctant focus and reluctant familiarity at being told what to do. ]

[erbier]

( Perhaps I am, I assumed it was between the two of you. )

[ And she had been content with that idea, although she can think of others. ]

( Perhaps she simply wanted me to speak with you. Are you a useful sort of man? )

[calhar]

( That depends. What are your thoughts on gambling and juggling? )

[ Probably not what Cathaway had in mind. It's a blunt deflection, though it's also sadly accurate. ]

( And it isn't. I don't have the other half, either — unless she's asking me to get on a bloody boat. )

[erbier]

( I can't juggle. )

[ And any skill she did not personally possess was one she would need to convince out of others, so in its own way, the information is useful to her sense of things. ]

( Do you think they intend to have us on those boats? )

[ The ones they're assembling and disassembling down on the beach as they prepare for the garstall hunt. She hopes not. She does not like open water much. ]

[calhar]

( I think they intend to watch us make fools of ourselves. No other reason to send a group like this on a quest like this one. )

[ Or just him, really. Part of him might secretly enjoy the idea of spying and intrigue, but the reality of it's more effort (and more loss, lately) than he'd like to invest. There's a beat while he backtracks over that measured response, the lack of sarcasm in her I can't juggle. ]

( You think Cathaway sent you to me for juggling lessons? )

[ He's kidding. He thinks. It makes about as much sense as any other theory, honestly. ]